This was written after a long day of dealing (unsuccessfully) with the incredible weather we’ve had around here. Worst storm in 40 years, according to the weather wonks.
‘Twas The Week Before Christmas
Twas the week before Christmas, in old Portland Town,
And the cars and the busses were sliding around.
The stockings were sitting on a chair by the tree,
Had they feet in them ready, they’d probably flee.
The kids were still nestled for warmth in their beds,
‘Cause the power was out, no juice from o’er head.
My wife in her socks and me in my mukluk,
Were trying to phone PGE with no luck.
When out in the yard there arose a large crash,
I fell out of bed and proceeded to dash
Away to the slider I stumbled half aware,
Grumpily, crankily, ready for bear.
There may have been a moon somewhere out on the snow,
But since everything was covered, you’d really never know.
When what to myopic eyes did appear,
I’ve really no clue, where are my glasses, right here!
There was no driver of sleds or of plow,
Though we certainly could use one, right here and right now!
Heavier than dandruff, white as can be,
the snow it did fall, oh deary me.
“Now, Crap! And Oh, poop! Now someone must clear it”,
I wonder if Christina will do it if I claim to not see it?
Like dunes of sand in places far warmer and south,
the snow was everywhere! I cursed with my mouth.
There up on the house-top the snow it did sit,
waiting to fall if I even touched it.
There was four inches of snow and a half inch of ice,
And more snow piled on top, this was great, really nice…
As I pulled in my head and wished I could go back to bed,
Snow did fall down the chimney instead.
So there was snow in the house and snow on the stoop,
Snow on the dogs and snow on their poop.
The things sitting under our fake Christmas tree,
did not include a shovel for little old me.
Nor boots for my feet, nor a weather proof pant.
“Who needs that stuff here!”, I miserably rant.
Now what to do in this world gone so white,
With no power, no shovel, no boots and no light?
So I shambled outside, ill prepared for the day,
ready to grumble, complain and to say:
“This weather ain’t normal, it’s nuts and it’s crazy,
I just wanted to stay home, be warm and be lazy!”
But this I do wish before the snow melts out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
-Darrin Mossor, 12/2008